Bazz the Granddude

Lyrics

A Christmas planned, To home at last
An icy road, an awful crash
The skilled doctors saved her life but
This action leaves mom and dad abashed
Their dear child, their church may say “exile”
For blood work that is so reviled
They moaned to me that it’s not what they taught her
They didn’t ask, but here’s what I offered

Pre-chorus
I know you’ve spent more time at His house
So you may not care what I think
Are you so desperate to appear you’re righteous 
That you’d risk a child gone in a blink?
No need to worry, it’s clear where you stand
Oblivious how your shame breaks her heart too
But it’s between your child and the carpenter
It’s nothing to do with you

Chorus
You can paint his words all over your walls 
Read books about books ‘bout The Book til you lose the source of it all
Love one another, said and said again
The Carpenter didn’t delegate  persuading to repent

The blood story came up again
“Baseless and misguided” said another friend 
Then she launched into a dirge
Her daughter came out, such an awful scourge
Her family times could never have peace
I sensed an irony deficiency
She moaned to me that it’s not what she taught her
She didn’t ask, but here’s what I offered

Repeat Pre-chorus/Chorus

He said love your neighbor, Love one another

Think about that when you're tryin' to play God

Notes

I began writing The Carpenter in the fall of 2022 after having multiple friends confide in me that their adult children had come out as gay or transgender throughout the year. Those parents didn’t really ask me for advice, they mostly just mourned the situation that they clearly thought was disasterous.

It could be argued that I couldn’t offer useful advice anyway, due to the fact that none of my childen have placed me in the same situation. However, at least some of the angst of my friends came from a religious/scripture perspective. And when has personal experience ever been required to put forth some kind of judgement in that area?

I’m only kidding about that last question a bit. But I am a Christian, and it annoys me at times that my Christian perspectives are often not considered because I avoid the trite Christian platitudes that the “outwardly Christian” population tends to use.  

For example, you won’t find me tagging “God is Good” after positive events that happen to me or the ones I love. I find it self-serving and an invitation to a much deeper discussion of how to label terrible things that happen to “other people.” I don’t have a problem with those who use it, it is just a different “brand” of Christianity than the one I practice. And, I digress a little (but only a little).

The first verse of the song discusses the situation of parents who are concerned about their adult child who is consenting to a blood transfusion to save her life.  They raised their child to understand that blood transfusions are prohibited by their faith. 

The second verse presents a mother that dismisses this first situation as “baseless and misguided”, as I suppose many people in the U.S. would.  Then the mother dives into the mourning of her daughter coming out as gay, oblivious to the possibility that someone else may find her faith based concerns just as “baseless and misguided.”

Would those differing views of what is “baseless and misguided” be different religions? Well, no, they would not. The transfusion story is based on an acquaintance of mine whose wife died because the Jehovah’s Witnesses do not accept such action. Jehovah’s Witnesses are a Christian denomination, not a different religion.  A character to call the concern about the gay daughter “baseless and misguided” could be drawn from the United Church of Christ, which has ordained LGBTQ+ pastors since 1972.  

The Baptist comparison to the Jehovah’s Witness denomination is only the secondary point of the song. You can dismiss a wildly different denomination of the same religion as wackos if you like. You can even dismiss denominations not that wildly different, a disagreement on what’s right is why denominations exist, right?  But after segregating enough people from your specific beliefs WITHIN YOUR SAME RELIGION, perhaps down to dismissing those even in your own church, what are the chances that your narrow view of everything is correct and others in the overwhelming majority of the same religion are just plain wrong?    

Now consider that non-Christian religions are what nearly 70% of the humans on this planet follow.  Whatever your view on a particular subject is, there is ample room for someone to consider your view to be baseless and misguided.  Even a family member who shares your religion.  

But the primary point is this. Even if you’re convinced your loved one is wrong, it is not your job to get them to repent. I even consulted with the pastor who married Karen and me before wrapping these lyrics.

The Great Commission instructs believers to spread the gospel.  It does not instruct believers to make others repent. As my favorite pastor answered, “The Spirit convicts and repentance is the result of that conviction.” This assumes the believer is correct and repentance is even necessary, of course.

I included The Carpenter on my 2023 Christmas EP for several reasons.  The primary reason for this is that it is a song related to Christ and the role of Christians.  I love me some hippopatamus-centric secular Christmas music, but a modern song about Christ that isn’t simple praise music is an area I think is lacking and is very appropriate for the Christmas season.  (There is nothing wrong with praise music, I simply like something meatier.)

The finale of the song is really the full spirit of Christmas, to my belief.  To paraphrase C.S. Lewis in “Mere Christianity”, a Christian’s role is to put on the cloak of Christ and act as he would.  Yes, that is a book about The Book, as the song would say.  So to better summarize, actual scripture would state: 

“A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” - John 13:34

And finally a note on the responsibility of Christians to remember that commandment. The final line is changed on the Christmas EP from the original single recording clarifying that this commandment is our charge rather than the attempt to get others to repent.  Maybe a little harsh.  Maybe it needs to be.

“Remember that when you’re trying to play God.”

The Lyrics

I’m so alone, so reviled, so unwanted
Still so encumbered, indebted, entrusted
I’ve lived this slow and painful death
Mostly without knowing it’s death at all

Some seem to feel the need to show
   Where blame must go
I’ll take all the blame if I must
   I’m letting go

Child I hope this won’t break your heart
Please tell me someday you will be fine
I will not miss what I thought was forever
  I agonize what it meant for you

Some seem to feel the need to show
   Where blame must go
I’ll take all the blame if I must
   I’m letting go

Now start the years of the uneasy treaty
Now we will see if good intentions are fulfilled
Can you imagine a love unrequited
  And how that erodes a grown man’s soul?

Some seem to feel the need to show
   Where blame must go
I’ll take all the blame if I must
   I’m letting go

Notes
Despite being a big fan of the blues, I’m generally not a big fan of sad songs.  Or even breakup songs.  But sometimes when you’re working on original material, one song steps up among the works in progress and says “I’m next.”  So a sad song is coming to you. 

I am aware that breakup songs are a big deal these days. I would offer that most of those songs are about two people. And a breakup involving two people can be devastating, I know. 

But as devastating as such a couple’s breakup can be, I would also offer that it’s a beginner’s level breakup. When you have children involved, an entirely new level of pain appears. 

There are breakup songs about revenge, sorrow, freedom, and even humor. But other than a couple of local artists I’m aware of, very few deal with the pain of how breakups impact the children involved. (Ben Aycock would be one of those local artists, btw, with his brilliant song named “Unexpected Call”)

So with all that said, where to begin with this little trauma nugget?  Well, our narrator is about to tear the Band-Aid off and break the news to his wife and children.  The reality that his children have been living in their whole lives is about to end.  Despite being in a house full of people, he’s utterly alone as he’s doing this. 

This ending isn’t because of cheating. That would be too easy.  It’s a situation where it’s clear the romantic relationship is gone and has devolved to a level of disrespect wearing a thin veil over hostility.  The death may have happened some time ago, but the commitment to the household responsibilities easily mask it into a hostage situation.  Probably for both of the adults. Cheating would make it too clear who was at fault in this failure, and somehow who is at fault seems important. 

Finally, it just doesn’t matter how they got here. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. The soul crushing environment just needs to come to an end. 

But then…are kids going to be held hostage in this situation? Can he and his wife agree on a reasonable visitation schedule that he can live with? If so, can he believe that that schedule will be adhered to for years?  How is he fair to her and the kids financially without becoming destitute?  Is a new romantic partner going to bring in an element that he really doesn’t want his kids exposed to?  Is the risk of all that worth it, or should he just suck up the pain and stay encumbered?  But if he stays, will a toxic environment impact the little people who asked for none of this?

The kids aren’t going to know what they’re not getting.  Is he going to be blamed by friends and acquaintances for what they are going through?  And at what point does that just not matter?

The Letting Go is inevitable.

The real life happy ending here is that the past 20 years or so have turned out much better than this lyricist would have expected.  My daughter actually asked to live with me in 6th grade (uncontested by her mother) and has a wonderful relationship with the stepmother she got out of this deal.  My son is having his special needs path navigated by his mother without the constant friction that would have occurred had I been active in that course. Is it the course I would have charted?  Probably not, but fighting for that control would not necessarily produced better results.  I had to let go. It gave me the space to make so many other positive impacts for others.  

Have my kids missed out by not living in the nuclear family environment I did?  I think in a perfect world the answer is yes. But I don’t know. I hope not. I don’t think a supportive environment would have been there for them even if I hadn’t let go. 

Even today I sometimes have to remember to let go for the benefit of my adult kids.  Don’t let go if you don’t have to. But if you do have to, remember that the impact of such a decision does not end.  At least if you’re lucky it doesn’t. 

The lyrics

Some say life is just a game 
But I’ve learned to extend the analogy 
There isn’t only a single game table
And choosing who you get to play with is the key 

Some feel each game is just to win
Some just want fun and more invitations
Either way the other players attracted 
Will be influenced by those expectations 

So many good vibes
So many tables 
The biggest win for me 
An offer to return
Proof in the pudding 
When it comes to hosting
How many want to show when it’s my turn?

I’ve waited all my life
For this season
I’ll make the most of it now 
All the long hours
The sacrifices 
You know I think it’s my turn now

We don’t get to choose when
The games are over
Likely surprised 
When game nights adjourn
Things unsaid and roads not taken
I want none of that when it’s my turn

NOTES

It's My Turn is intended to be a fun romp, and a comparison of life to a game. (Or games!)  But I go deceptively deeper at the end of the song.

For those who don't already know, I spend a good deal of time playing board games and, more importantly, spend a great deal of time with many friends who play games.  Being the nerd that I am, I use an app called BG Stats on my phone to track the games I've played since I retired about 5 years ago.  In total as of today (5/21/2024) I have logged 2096 games with 258 different people in 89 different locations.  Yes, that's an average of more than a game a day.  Is that more than anyone I know?  Probably not.  But suffice it to say that a gaming analogy is not a reach for me at this point!

On a return drive from a gaming “retreat” to one of these gamer's secret locations, my friend Michael Stockstill offered a life to gaming comparison.  He said the object is not “to win”, but rather to have a chance to be invited to more games.  He may have been quoting somebody, but for the purposes of these notes I'll give him the credit for this morsel of wisdom.  And the first two verses and chorus of the song completely steal this idea for my selfish purposes!

The bridge “I've waited all my life for this season” can been seen as a bit selfish at first glance given my stage of life.  But it's a sentiment common to many songs today, and perhaps a finer point to the “not throwin' away my shot” attitude that people much younger than I do not lose sight of.  

(On a grammatical point, I enjoy that I “turn” the context of “it's my turn” here and at the end of the song.)

But if you're looking for any deep meaning in this light song, the final verse should bring that home for you.  It may seem trite to say that you never know when your last day will come.  Intellectually we all know it.  But imagine being in that moment.  “This is it.”  

It doesn't matter whether that moment takes weeks.  Again, you may not be surprised to learn that I'm a baseball fan.  I've read Babe Ruth's biography by Robert Creamer twice, once recently. The man who almost literally owned the entire U.S. and could do almost anything he wanted athletically suddenly found himself robbed of his strength and abilities. His last time on the golf course he hit a perfectly clean tee shot, watched it go only 90 yards, and sobbed.  It had to be a surprise when it all just went away. 

I tried to put myself in my Mom's shoes in her last few weeks.  Did she ever think “This is it?”  I honestly don't know;  she may have thought some mixture of drugs and procedures was going to get her home safe.  Her last words of “what's happening?” didn't convince me that she was aware that it was the end.

“We don't get to choose when the games are over, likely surprised when game nights adjourn” is not meant to be trite.  Yes, we know it's going to happen.  But the ending is still probably going to be a surprise.

Given that, I think the concluding lines speak for themselves.

“Things unsaid and roads not taken, I want none of that when it's my turn.”